Parenting Plans

A written parenting plan eliminates ambiguity. Verbal agreements about parenting arrangements are easily forgotten, misremembered, or disputed. A written plan gives both parents — and the children — a clear, stable framework. It reduces the need to negotiate every holiday, birthday, and school event. It provides a reference point when disagreements arise. And if the plan is made into a consent order, it is legally enforceable. Even if you and the other parent are on good terms, a written plan is worth the effort — circumstances change, and having a plan in place protects everyone.

A comprehensive parenting plan should address: the regular parenting schedule (which days and nights the child is with each parent); holiday and special occasion schedules (Christmas, Thanksgiving, birthdays, Mother's Day, Father's Day, school breaks); decision-making responsibility (sole or joint, and how disputes will be resolved); communication between parents (method, frequency, response time); communication between the child and the other parent during parenting time; travel and relocation (notice requirements, consent for travel outside the country); how changes to the schedule will be handled; and how the plan will be reviewed as the child grows.

Holiday schedules are a common source of conflict. A good parenting plan addresses every significant holiday and special occasion in advance. Common approaches include alternating holidays each year (one parent has Christmas Eve in odd years, the other in even years), splitting holidays (one parent has Christmas morning, the other has Christmas afternoon), or giving each parent specific holidays every year. Be specific — 'Christmas' is ambiguous; 'December 24 at 6:00 pm to December 25 at 6:00 pm' is not. Address school breaks, March break, summer vacation, and each parent's birthday as well as the child's birthday.

A parenting plan should be detailed enough to prevent disputes but flexible enough to accommodate real life. Build in a process for handling schedule changes — for example, requiring at least 48 hours' notice for a schedule change, and agreeing that the other parent will make up any missed time. Consider how you will handle situations where a child is sick, a parent has a work emergency, or a school event falls on the other parent's time. A plan that is too rigid will generate conflict; one that is too vague will generate confusion. Aim for clarity with built-in flexibility.

A parenting plan agreed to by both parents can be filed with the court and made into a consent order. A consent order has the same legal force as an order made after a contested hearing — it is enforceable. To make a consent order, both parents sign the draft order and file it with the court for a judge's signature. The judge will review the order to ensure it is in the best interests of the child. Once issued, the order can only be changed by agreement (a new consent order) or by a court order after a motion to change.

If you and the other parent cannot agree on a parenting plan, consider mediation before going to court. A family mediator is a neutral professional who helps parents reach agreement. Mediation is faster, less expensive, and less adversarial than court. Many provinces offer subsidized or free mediation services. If mediation fails, you can ask the court to make a parenting order. The court will apply the best interests of the child standard and may order a parenting assessment or Voice of the Child report to help inform the decision.

Children's needs change as they grow. A parenting plan that works for a toddler may not work for a teenager. Build a review process into your plan — for example, agreeing to review the schedule every two years or when the child starts a new school. As children get older, their own preferences and activities will shape the schedule. A teenager with a busy social life and strong preferences about where they want to be is a different situation from a young child who needs a stable, predictable routine. The best parenting plans evolve with the child.